Do you ever look back at your life and wonder where that person went? Over time we all change, sometimes only a little, sometimes alot. I went to a social thing last night (all by myself-bad idea!). I honestly tried my best to be out going and personable. But I just ended up sitting there only talking occasionally...When it was all done and time to go home, I seriously could have rolled up in ball in a blanket and cried-well, if I would have let myself. I could feel myself shrinking. Everyone has a light inside them, right? And sometimes you can control how much you exute. As the night went on, I could feel my light dim until is was only a glowing ember. I tried to fuel it and shine brighter, with no success. Who is this shy person that gets extreme anxiety when it's time to socialize with new people? Where did Cameron go? The guy that was very out going, personable, friendly, talkative? I'm not sure. Have the past two and half years crushed me that much? I wish I knew what to do. I am trying to put myself out there, and I end up getting crushed even more. Last night was a total and epic failure.
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