Splattering on my blog wall...

It has been FOREVER since I have written in this....Here are my really lame excuses: I moved and didn't have Internet for a while, and the first week of school-everything has been absolutely CRAZY!

I have mixed feelings about a lot of things right now...everything seems to be flying in every direction. This past week has just been a complete roller coaster of emotions. I really don't know what else to say about it....i guess I just feel lost and alone-even though I know I am not. I have the best support system in the world.

I am trying really hard not to be down on myself, but I can't help feeling down. I never seem to be good enough-to others, and especially myself. I need to know who I am and present it to the world with confidence. My only problem is I can't seem to figure it out. I know that I cannot go anywhere in my career/church/life until I can get past a lot of these hurdles. And everyone keeps telling me how to do it, and I never seem to be able do them right or enough. I just feel lost.

Also, I think that something is wrong with me....I am ALWAYS tired/exhausted, and I make sure I get 7-9 hours of sleep a night. I don't know what the heck is going on with me, but I want it to STOP! It's very hard to live life with my normal issues, but with this it is almost paralyzing.
Not to mention I have gained weight, and half my clothes don't fit! I figure, without money to buy food, and no money to buy clothes it should work out in my favor.

Shall I get on the topic of money? My parents are doing their best to help support me in school, and I am still pretty much living off of my parents. They are pressuring me into getting a job, and I am trying but I don't have really any job skills. My scholarship was cut in half this year. I can't seem to get any other scholarships. I have no idea how I am going to pull this off.

Sorry, this is all a bunch of ranting and raving, and probably won't make much sense. But here it is-my emotional splatterings.