Waste of Time

It's amazing how fast things can change between a pair or even a group of people. I never thought that something like this could happen...but of course it did! I am seriously starting to think that it is just a mistake to trust people. No one is going to be there forever so what's the point. They might be around for while, but it doesn't mean you completely count on them. It's all just a waste of time. Even the people you think you can trust, you really can't. Lesson learned I guess...again! I'm done with being a sap. Everyone stabs you in the back at somepoint-whether it's something they say, do or even looks they give you. People don't own up to their word. I've been betrayed again. It's all just a waste of time!

Trust...? HA!

Why is it that everyone abandons you, whether it's completely or just in certain areas? My really close friends that I draw a lot of comfort from are spread out all over Utah. The people I trust are all gone. But once again, abandonment has happend to me again! And yes I am angry about it!

Touched....in a good way :-)

Even though this week is not over I think it is safe to say THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT WEEK! I feel like I have gotten a lot done this week. Today my mom called and she told me how proud she was of me and everything that I have been working on. It was exactly what I needed to hear-I was touched. I am a very self conscious person, and always feel like I am making mistakes, and just to hear that from my mom was great! I am very grateful for my mom, the rest of my family, friends, church leaders, and everyone in my life.

Outcast...?

As today has passed, I have realized that I have made myself an outcast.....I was supposed to go iceblocking, attend the WSU tailgate party/homecoming game with Sitcom and bunch of other people-but as the time came I didn't hear from anyone who was planning on going. And I didn't have the guts to call or text anyone-a part of me didn't want to go, therefore I made myself the outcast. Earlier tonight my roommates invited some of our friends to come over to watch a movie and play games. The whole time I kept to myself, in my little corner and longed to be 'part of the group' but never did anything about it. I don't know why I have the tendency to pull away from others-especially from large groups of people. You would think that I would be great with large groups of people because I perform, but I'm not. I don't know if I just don't share the humor, or am selfish or what. I have also noticed and been informed that I always stay in my room and keep to myself-once again I don't know why...I wish I knew.

Longing to be one with the group
they would accept if I didn't refuse.
but something inside keeps me from moving.
so alone I sit, and look on in
the laughing and loving taking place before my eyes.
Wondering why I can't change and be part
of the group that's accepting and willing.


I can't believe I am posting something so stupidly written, but there it is.